This
time I have chosen to write on a subject that is of social significance; an
issue that I feel strongly about- namely, Gender Based Violence (GBV). For some
time I have been following a Facebook group called “Let’s Talk” and their
campaign which is known as “Must Bol”. This group of young Turks are doing a
great job, and it was, therefore, an honour to get an invite to write on their
Blogathon: Men say No!
GBV issues are multi-dimensional in
nature, owing to the diverse range of causes and manifestation that tend to
vary across countries, cultures, and socio- economic strata. I have tried basing
this article in context of Urban Indian Middle socio-economic class – the
brand ambassadors of the so-called “India Shining” group. Why do these people
allow such things to happen to their women? Why are they so passive about a
problem that has acquired such great proportions that one cannot feign to
ignore anymore?
Why
men do not say ‘No’?
In all probability, many men still think GBV
to be a problem predominantly faced by women, and therefore it is “their fight
which they have to fight”. At a superficial glance, one has to admit that there
is a certain degree of rationale behind this thinking. Many would equate this
issue of gender-based violence with other issues like gender inequality /
woman’s liberation, etc – causes that are fought by women-centric organisations
across the globe. So one tends to associate Gender Based Violence (GBV) also
with similar problems, and prefers to leave the women to champion this cause as
well. GBV and its associated problems are, however, somewhat complex and more
involved. Let's take a bird's eye view to the problem
Solution
type: Internal or External?
In general, any problem can be addressed either
internally or externally, and the effectiveness of the two methods varies
depending on two aspects: nature of the
problem and the role of the adversary
within the problem. In most of the sociological problems, any one of the two aforementioned
aspects plays a major role, while the other one ends up playing the second
fiddle. Very few problems can be solved with a mono-dimensional approach. For
example, if we try to reduce drinking amongst the working class to improve
their quality of life, a major thrust has to come externally in terms of
campaigns, restrictions, regulations etc. This has to be supplemented by
internal pressures from the family, children, peer group, friends etc. Thus, a
combination of both is necessary, though the drive has to be from the external
forces.
If we look at Gender discrimination at
workplaces, this also has a predominantly external approach. Men have dominated
the workplace scenario until now, and it will be sheer foolishness if one
expects them to give away their dominant position so easily. However, things have
now changed to a certain extent, and the main reason for this is the constant
barrage of attacks from the women groups. Organisations have reluctantly being
forced to remove regulations which bar women from joining them and later have
grudgingly accepted that quite a number of women deserve to be above the “glass
ceiling” – the invisible barrier which prevents women from rising beyond a
certain level in an organisation.
If we put this in a simplistic step by
step approach, it would look somewhat like this :
Step 1 : Organizations accepting women
into responsible positions – [External : created by awareness campaigns,
litigations, constitutional rights etc]
Step 2 : Women performing at par or
sometimes better than their men peers – [External : as women are still not
accepted completely]
Step 3 : Superiors acknowledging that
Women can deliver at least as good as other men. Also accepting that having
women in management can provide certain paradigm shift into management thinking
[Internal]
GBV
: External or Internal approach ?
In contrast to the above examples, GBV has
a completely different dimension. In this case, men are committing the crimes
against women actively (not just passively ignoring their rights), and quite a
number of these remain unreported. There are several reasons for this lack of reporting,
the major ones being:
§
Social
Stigma: A woman violated by someone is often perceived a ‘loose woman’ and ‘she
was asking for it’. Often this also acts like an ice-breaker in a reverse
manner i.e ‘now that she has anyway been deflowered, she will probably not mind
a roll in the hay’ kind of a psychology
§
Sense
of shame / guilt by the offended
§
Often
perpetrator of this crime is a man of social / family position – the husband,
the boss, the father of a close friend
No wonder quite a number of women prefer
to suffer quietly. This, in turn, emboldens the criminal even further as he
realises that he can get away with this.
GBV also has a dimension that the crime
being committed is atrocious. Unlike Gender discrimination in workplace, which,
at its worst, is a case of being “unfair” and “discriminatory”, GBV is about invading
another person’s private space and committing a hideous crime. Quite often, it
is something that happens within the house – within closed doors and within the
closed family. And for this reason, this battle cannot be merely an external
conflict. It has to be fought internally – with the perpetrators (the men, in
this case) themselves turning back and saying, “we would allow this to happen
any more”.
How
do we make men say no?
How do we do this internally? How do we
make men say “No” so such crimes? As usual, there are no easy recipes to this. It
might be worthwhile to look at some scenarios, which exist:
1)
Break
social sanctions: There is an “indirect” sanction amongst men about situations
when such behaviours are tolerated. Typical examples are:
1.1)
Army:
It is a common practice that when an army invades another country, the
victorious army indulges in ruthless activities, including sexual exploitation of
women belonging to the vanquished party. Such practice date back into history
and seems to be a well-established military practice even in the modern era. Be
it the Cossacks during the First World War, the Japanese during Second World
War or the Pakistani army in 1971, all have indulged in this practice rather
openly. Our own Indian army is also accused of having used this “weapon” in the
northeast. It, therefore, is logical to think that this kind of behaviour has a
certain acceptance amongst army chiefs for it to have continued over the ages.
1.2)
Community
centric: There are certain communities where this is an accepted form of
punishment against the “loose” woman. This communities view of somewhat similar
to Constable Michael Sanguinetti (of “Slutwalk” fame)’s view point – which is,
if a woman dresses like a slut, she is asking for it. Usually these societies
have a strong “machismo” complex and such violence against women seem to
confirm to this image.
1.3)
Emotion-driven:
Quite a number of people seem to sympathize with the husband / boyfriend who
loves his wife / fiancée so much that he ends up hitting her or violating her –
quite like a modern day Othello.
The first step could be to
break these acceptance norms amongst men. This has to be done tactfully,
because almost no-body will be honest enough to acknowledge existence of such a
mind-set in the first place.
2)
Creating
consciousness amongst men is another important step, and it is important enough
for them to stick out their neck when necessary.
This will be a great challenge
as the urban upper-middle class is an upwardly-mobile bunch of epicurean cynics
(me included) who strictly follow the golden rule called WGOMF (“What Goes Of
My Father” – literal translation of “Mera baapka kya jata hai”). To shake them
up into some actual action will require massive effort – something akin to the
Anna Hazare movement against corruption. The parallel is interesting as the
Anna Hazare movement was predominantly a movement of the urban middle class –
which seems to suggest that this class of people may not be completely dead yet
!!
What
do we want men to do?
Very simple things! We are not looking for crusaders. I believe our women
can take care of themselves without “knights-in-shining-armours” lurking in the
background. We expect:
-
Awareness
amongst male members in the society (especially young men). This can be done
through talking, mails, chats or even Facebook posts.
-
be
supportive to women who are experiencing such a situation. Women are often subjected
to harassments in public places. In such situation, women are generally advised
to speak out / protest / shout. Please join them in their protests
-
instead
of being a passive observer, try to call in help from whichever quarter
possible.
There will, of course, be a handful who
will take it up more seriously and take this up at a different level by being
part of a cause or a movement through different organisations.
This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women.
More entries to the Blogathon
can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further
conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol
